John: Did you hear about the new Mega-ball State Lottery for 10 million dollars??
Jen: Nope, sounds great.
John: Not really, the winning person gets 10 dollars a year for a million years!

Frank: “My wife is tired of Vegas and wants to go to a casino somewhere in Asia”
Phil: “Tibet?”
Frank: “Of course moron, otherwise she’d go to a spa!”

A man walks into a poker room and sits down next to Siamese twins. You winning he asks?
“Everything she’s lost, I’ve won” they replied.

A group of cowboys are at the local saloon playing a game of 5 card stud. Guns in their belts they watch each movement of the player next to them to assure nothing fishy is going on. The final hand is being played and the stakes are high.
Following the deal the a cowboy lays his cards out on the table.
“He’s Cheatin!” yells one cowboy.
How do you know asks the accused cheater.
Cause those aren’t the cards I dealt you!